Dear Cheese Times,
I have a problem that is a little embarrassing and thusly, I don't really want to go to the doctor about it. I'm hoping you might be able to help me out. I'm an avid reader of the cheese times and was excited to see you had a new problem page. My problem is - since coming back from a weekend hunting The Pink Floyd over cornfields in the Lake District I have noticed I seem to be sweating excessively at all times. I've tried numerous different antiperspirants and deodorants but none of them halt my excessive sweating and body odour. Last week my boss at work commented that my odour had been mentioned by fellow co-workers as being objectionable. He then sat me down and asked if I had financial problems, if I'd stopped bathing, wiping my arse, or using deodorant. I broke down in tears and told him everything, including the time I stole a pack of chewing gum from a Shell mini-mart in Shropshire. I emptied my soul, and he just laughed at me. Please help me!

Sir Douglas Replies