Bush Claims Iraq will use cheese as weapons of mass destruction and tells his poodle Tony to say the same!

Yesterday the United Nations announced a very bizarre find from their latest weapons inspections in Iraq. Hundreds of thousnads of Tonnes of Cheese from around the world, have been found in warehouses and factories in Baghdad, Karbala and An Najaf. The "Giant Pantries of Cheese" as a U.N. Spokesman put it, were well hidden away but the U.N. are keen to point out that there is no evidence of tampering or intent to use the cheese negatively as a force of evil. Major questions, however, are being asked as to what Saddam is doing with "copious amounts of cheeses from around the world?"

BUSH’S NEMESIS MAY BE HIDING WITH GOATS CHEESE RATIONS IN UK! EXCLUSIVE!

The cheese-times have uncovered unnerving evidence of the presence of yet more terrorists in the UK. Even more alarming than that is the appearance of the most bizarre piece of evidence yet to come to light. MP’s have been given clear instructions, from the very highest level, not to discuss this incident and evidence at all and to "deny, deny, deny it." Luckily we at the cheese-times have our secret sources and it’s amazing how people will spill the beans when offered substantial quantities of cheese.

Liverpool, under the inspired leadership of Gerald Houlier are currently making a late dash up the table, now in second and battling for one of the Champions League places. Their campaign has been helped by the inevitable capture of Liverpool supporter, and ex Leicester City star striker Heskey. Heskey now establishing himself as a key member of the international scene made his big money move, in a deal that eventually cost Liverpool over £14m including wage fees.

The Nation's favourite Spurs Player, towering defensive superstar Sol 'The big man' Campbell had a narrow escape from a pitch invasion of the Primative kind, when a disgruntled ape vented his fury at the star.

The Bond point was first raised by Martin "Alec" McGuiness, when he regarded that the recent "007 Heaven" series broadcasted by ITV, as showing the difference between the purely catholic Sean Connery and his "prostestant" arch rival Roger Moore.

Last night, Alf Stilton, 42, captured probably the most important event in substantiating our beliefs in the existence of cheese out side our own domain.