Grinning PM, Tony Blair, was reduced to tears and pitiful sobbing yesterday after seeing the first car that he ever owned drive past him unannounced. The premier had buggered off from his desk at no.10 after becoming bored and distracted by the tedium of running the country. He made his way to the nearest McDonalds and grabbed a chicken Mcnugget happy meal for lunch, with which he got a free ‘Incredible’s’ figurine.

Prime Minister Tony Blair yesterday proudly opened a new prison designed specifically to house the growing number of criminal priests in the UK jail system. The premier heralded it as “A fucking great, holy rehabilitation centre.” Adding “These are still men of the cloth, and given the right environment I truly believe these ‘dog collars’ will come good again. The growing menace of priest related crime, across all denominations of faith, is a sad reflection on the wider problems society faces this new millennium.”

What are the chances that another Paris Hilton sex tape and another Osama Bin Laden tape surface? Pretty high right? What are the chances they surface together? I guess reasonably high right? How about the chances of them surfacing in the all together together? What??? Yep, The Cheese Times exclusively reveals the new Paris Hilton and Osama Bin Laden sex tape. It will blow your mind!

Robert Kilroy Silk-Cut, celebrity racist and maker of the famous cigarettes, recently launched his own new UK political party. The perma-tanned Ex UK Independence Party member is ‘almighty leader’ in the new party ‘Veritas’. Veritas, the Latin word for ‘bitter racist scare-mongering’ was launched with much posturing from the ex BBCTV agony Aunt as he proceeded to do a variety of every more strenuous muscle-man poses for the gathered and weeping press.

EX DESPOT GIVEN GANGSTA MAKEOVER ON US TALK SHOW TO BECOME BIG CHEESE

He looked bewildered, beaten and useless when he was dragged out of his hovel into captivity by US troops in Iraq last year, but you can’t keep a mean bastard mutha f**ker down. For the CheeseTimes can exclusively reveal that Ex Iraqi dictator Saddam Keith Hussein has worked his way up to being the top dog in the entire US prison system. 

Mel Gibson today made a press release declaring his wishes to show the world of his love of all people of all faith. The release is an obvious attempt to calm anti-semetic talk regarding his hit movie “The Passion of Christ”. The movie, which has been out on DVD since August, is expected to be a popular religious gift this Christmas. Gibson has constantly, since its release, tried to dispel rumours that the movie has anti-semitic undertones.

The Bush administration in an attempt to galvanise their hold on the Iraq situation have called upon the wizardry of Harry Potter.

The administration found a loop hole through the Patriot Act to cease the rights to the Harry Potter stories and create their own movie version. “Harry Potter and the Axis of Evil” is currently filming. It’s a grandiose masterpiece. Harry, (played by Daniel Radcliffe lookalike Thomas Edam) takes on the evil forces of the axis of evil.