Robert Kilroy Silk-Cut, celebrity racist and maker of the famous cigarettes, recently launched his own new UK political party. The perma-tanned Ex UK Independence Party member is ‘almighty leader’ in the new party ‘Veritas’. Veritas, the Latin word for ‘bitter racist scare-mongering’ was launched with much posturing from the ex BBCTV agony Aunt as he proceeded to do a variety of every more strenuous muscle-man poses for the gathered and weeping press.

EX DESPOT GIVEN GANGSTA MAKEOVER ON US TALK SHOW TO BECOME BIG CHEESE

He looked bewildered, beaten and useless when he was dragged out of his hovel into captivity by US troops in Iraq last year, but you can’t keep a mean bastard mutha f**ker down. For the CheeseTimes can exclusively reveal that Ex Iraqi dictator Saddam Keith Hussein has worked his way up to being the top dog in the entire US prison system. 

Mel Gibson today made a press release declaring his wishes to show the world of his love of all people of all faith. The release is an obvious attempt to calm anti-semetic talk regarding his hit movie “The Passion of Christ”. The movie, which has been out on DVD since August, is expected to be a popular religious gift this Christmas. Gibson has constantly, since its release, tried to dispel rumours that the movie has anti-semitic undertones.

The Bush administration in an attempt to galvanise their hold on the Iraq situation have called upon the wizardry of Harry Potter.

The administration found a loop hole through the Patriot Act to cease the rights to the Harry Potter stories and create their own movie version. “Harry Potter and the Axis of Evil” is currently filming. It’s a grandiose masterpiece. Harry, (played by Daniel Radcliffe lookalike Thomas Edam) takes on the evil forces of the axis of evil.

The gang currently terrorising cheese merchants all over the south of Britain have struck again.

Mere weeks after the first picture of UFCs appeared we have more. This latest amateur photo came from a reader in London who spotted the piece of cheese above the famous Battersea Power Station, apparently floating towards Earls Court. No one yet knows what the cheese is doing or where it comes from.

Paul Harrison, owner of a beautiful house in our beloved Somerset came home yesterday from his work as a tax accountant to find his house had been taken over by Giant Primates.