UK Home Secretary John Reid has thrown out and banned all health and safety laws from English jails in a desperate attempt to solve the growing prison overcrowding crisis.  Prisons in the UK are full to bursting and Mr Reid is desperate to free up space.

The scenes of hundreds of looters, or 'salvers,' descending on the strewn cargo of the stricken MSC Napoli on Branscombe beach, Devon, taking what they could carry away, have revived centuries old traditional seafaring hobbies such as swashbuckling treasure hunting, ye olde smuggling, wrecking and high seas piracy in the UK.

An East Anglian Plastic surgeon has been arrested in connection with a great chin scandal. Dr. Michael Hamstring was taken into custody over allegations that he has been stealing people’s chins and selling them on the black market.  It's a practice that is more common than you might think.

After years of wrangling and debate, last week Pluto was finally stripped of it’s planetary status. Much media coverage has been given to this story, and many scientists have put forth their claims for re-labeling Pluto a “dwarf planet”.  However we've discovered there's more than science behind the change.

There have been many so called ‘turning points’ in the tragic comic middle east bloodshed, many a reason given in the past for optimism, but the Arab/Israeli conflict always seems fated to end in total annihilation for all involved. However yesterday things did appear to be, and start to look, much, much better for the region. Both Prime Ministers signed a historic peace agreement. Hostilities would still continue, but from this day forth both sides will only used cheese-based weapons, which are non-lethal. Instead of blowing each other to smithereens, as per usual, they will now merely chuck cheeses at one another.

The Cheese Times has received secret documents leaked to us by our sneaky little mole in the White House. They show that global warming is indeed a human made phenomenon, but not the side effect of the industrial revolution, more a well thought out pre planned manoeuvre by the US government.

NASA’s plan to conquer the planet Venus using an ant has failed miserably, as predicted by everyone on earth except for NASA employees, relatives and friends.  NASA sent a lone ant on a probe that landed on Venus last Tuesday. Their hopes and the mission failed as the ant died in less than a second.