Aging cockney sparrow Bob Hoskins, the actor, sat slumped in the dock yesterday, a broken man, as he was found guilty of pear scrumping. With tears running down his face, he was set free with a stern ticking off from the judge, who declared him evil, and a fine of £8.  Hoskins apologised and has donated twice his fine to a local pear based charity.

The recent news of drunken astronauts attempting sophisticated space age maneuvers whilst downing copious quantities of Tequila and Pina Coladas is just the tip of an iceberg in a sea of alcohol. Could this be the end of NASA? Or can they recover from this hangover?

U.S. Judge gives Coke thief Williams eight years imprisonment, because "This is the kind of offense that cannot be tolerated in our society." One business insider agreed, “Stealing a secret formula from Coke and trying to sell it to Pepsi, it’s the worst crime I have ever covered, and I use to do rape cases.”

Backing the original claims by former classmate Boris Beenleigh, another mole, formerly close to the Prince claims that the reason Prince Harry is not going to Iraq is due to malfunction in his cyborg doppelganger, and that the real Prince hasn’t left Highgrove in 18 months.

Resigning PM Tony Blair, under fire yet again in the house of commons retorted to a Tory backbencher's derision with a Floydian slip.  Tony, regressing possibly to a happier, less stressful youth of prog rock and casual sex directly quoted one of the many "spoken parts" from Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

"One small step on a ladder for a window cleaner, one giant leap for mankind." With those words,  Gary Leafield, a former window cleaner entered history and proved all the astrominical experts wrong in becoming the first human to climb into outer space using naught but a very long ladder.

Whilst the Virginia Tech shooter and overall messed up loser Cho Seung-Hui grabbed all the headlines last month. Another college shooting went unreported.  In chilling similarity to the Virginia Tech shooting, crazed West Virginian student goes postal killing no-one including himself!