British intelligence sources claim Al-Qaeda is planning another attack on the United Kingdom. Sources state the terrorists plan to “encapsulate Norwich inside a giant pastry crust and drown the city in ‘evil gravy’”
Quite how the Islamic extremists plan to carry out this incredible culinary feat / act of war is uncertain. However Sir Giles Strawberryfields Jnr., member of the Joint Intelligence Committee claims “terrorist chatter and other intelligence collected clearly show the terrorists intent to attack us in this most inhumane way.” He continued to say that he wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t for the “blatant waste of quality pastry, these people are sick and must be stopped.”
As of this morning all imports of Pastry making products are being monitored closely. Tesco and Sainsbury’s have also released a statement declaring a new Identification check for all Baking purchases at their stores. Tesco’s head of Security John Berkswell said to a slightly concerned and a little drunk press conference “From this day forth, March 9th 2007, all purchases from our baking needs isles will require photo ID upon checkout” It is uncertain whether pie filling ingredients will also be monitored at this point.
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