New light has been shone on the desperate final months of President George W Bush's war on terror. The Obama leadership reveals details of an astonishing report made by the former administration in the weeks before leaving the White House that links Al Q'aeda to the extinction of the dinosaurs.

The claims centre around an audio tape, allegedly featuring the voice of al-Q’aeda Leader Osama Bin Laden. Former President Bush believes the recording contains a hidden claim that al-Q'aeda were responsible for an extinction event which killed 70% of life on Earth, including the dinosaurs.

The recording, in audio only, appeared on Bin Laden’s MySpace page six months ago. Donald Rumsfeld is said to have been satisfied with the authenticity of the tape following rigorous testing:

“We uploaded the tape on YouTube and is rated as 'excellent'.”

In a chilling parallel with the attacks on America in 2001, the Earth was struck 65 million years ago by an asteroid 6 miles wide, travelling at 24,000mph which wiped out 70% of life on the planet.

Dick Cheney believes the asteroid converted to Islam and was 'radicalised' in an al Q'aeda training camp, possibly located between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter before crashing to Earth 65 Millions years ago causing the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event.

On the back of an empty pack of cornflakes found in the White House, President Obama reveals what George Bush had scrawled in crayon:

“They hate our way of life. They hate our freedom. They will face justice for their part in the third largest mass-extinction since the Pre-Cambrian Era."

"The Meteoroid impacted in Mexico and would have devastated America and Americans if they had existed. I believe the suicide Asterite deliberately targeted the land which would one day be America."

"I estimate the death toll of creatures which might have evolved into Americans was over 100 billion and the possibility of finding survivors is slim."

"This was an act of war against a land which contained proto-freedom-loving organisms. The US will use all its resources to avenge the worst-ever attack on pre-American soil. Even if it takes another 65 Million years."

Condoleeza Rice was planning a conference with European leaders to seek guarantees of military support for a coalition task force to go into space and destroy extremism in the Solar System - which she intends to follow through with personally, despite not currently holding any significant political office.

In a press conference outside the White House, President Obama suggested the alleged attack was another shameless attempt to frighten the American people into sanctioning further spending on national security. He revealed that during his first week in office, the Army requested ‘five more big piles’ of weapons to continue the War on Terror. President Obama:

"The American people will not be coerced into foreign wars by way of fairy tales and here-say. And anyway, 65 million years is an unacceptably slow response time. Even for the previous administration"

It is believed John McCain would have announced the findings to warn America of the terror in it's past, if he had won the 2008 Presidential Election. When asked about whether he believed the report, he stated that the report is true - pointing out he was held for 6 years in a prisoner of war camp on the asteroid Ceres. None of the journalist present seemed interested in this, in fact he spent most of the press conference repeatedly denying he is Dick Cheney in a latex mask.

With public opinion moving away from Bush's 'F*** the World' policy, it is believed the former administration decided against releasing the report. Mr Bush was unavailable to comment on these findings. Nor on the rumours currently circulating around Capitol Hill that the Permian-Triassic Extinction Event, in which 96% of all life on the planet died, was caused by Halliburton mismanagement.

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