Jose Mourinho and Chelsea went their separate ways this week. His contract terminated by mutual consent three years before its expiration.  The phrase, “mutual consent” is normally a contractual disguise for a sacking, yet it seems at Chelsea, both sides were losing their patience with each other.

Mourinho is an old school manager. He demands full control of football matters. Full control was something Mourinho was never going to have at Chelsea.  The honeymoon of two consecutive league titles began to sour when Chelsea signed Shevchenko.  A deal more from the mind of Abramovich than Mourinho.   The Cheese Times exclusively revealed that Abramovich was insisting that the Chelsea coach played Shevchenko, even though Mourinho was not sold on the striker.  Things got worse when Abramovich insisted that the coach not only play Shevchenko, but play Abramovich himself along side him.  That idea was benched (quite literally) when it appeared the FA and UEFA were willing to block Abramovich’s eligibility. It appeared that although tensions were still high, a truce could be sought. 

Chief Executive Peter Kenyon had proposed that the two men battled out their differences in a kung fu face-off.  It appears that a date was even set for such a showdown. In fact Mourinho was very keen on the idea, one source telling us, “He was sure he would have him in a martial art ruckus” Another source, an administrative assistant with very nice breasts told us “if you stop eyeing my cleavage I’ll tell you some gossip”  We obliged, nothing is too much for our readership. The buxom Mieke Bergader told us that many Owner/Manager conference calls since April were mostly taunting sessions.  “They were like two heavy weight boxers goading each other.”  The deal was that the winner would take complete and total control over football affairs.  Mourinho would finally, if he could defeat his boss get what he desperately needed. “He was single minded in his focus. He’d stay late to practice with his kung fu tutor.” Mourinho determined to gain back the control.  He was often seen practicing his kung fu moves on the sidelines, surely if nothing else but to intimidate the Russian owner.  Then at the last minute, the kung fu face-off was cancelled.

Friends close to Mourinho believed his time was coming to an end. One of his friends, who wished to remain anonymous, told us, “After they cancelled the kung fu showdown, I heard rumours Abramovich wanted to be the manager himself” Things were not looking good on and off the field. Tensions rose as Manchester United took the Premier League title last season, and with the new season starting in stark contrast to the dominance of the 05-06 campaigns, the leadership at Chelsea decided big changes were needed.  

The changes?  A Radical squad overhaul.  Mourinho was against it. However, the disastrous result against Rosenborg in the Champions League compromised his defense of the changes.

The proposed changes included the sale of the Peter Cech, Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright-Phillips to fund "the solution". Which was amongst other things, the introduction of Sylvester Stallone as goalkeeper. This idea, which was brought up after Abramovich had found a copy of "Escape to Victory" in a bargain bin at a Shell service station. He watched the movie, and was impressed with Stallone's goalkeeping prowess. The idea was eventually omitted from the plans after speculative approaches to the actor discovered his allegiance and any possible football career would be to Everton.

The plan also contained a new tactic nicknamed “Red October” -- which was to bring Oleg Salenko out of retirement and use him as a Russian Super-Sub (to be brought on each game on the 80 minute mark irrespective of score) – would be implemented once Salenko recovered from a golfing injury.  Furthermore Joe Cole would be trained to become a continental style sweeper and finally Derek Evans (Mr. Motivator from GMTV fame) would be assigned Director of Fitness and Training.  

Mourinho refused, claiming the plan was deranged and with it left his position as Chelsea manager.  It is unknown whether new manager Avram Grant will implement the changes.

Mourinho at odds with Abramovich over team selection