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 Aging cockney sparrow Bob Hoskins, the actor, sat slumped in the dock yesterday, a broken man, as he was found guilty of pear scrumping. With tears running down his face, he was set free with a stern ticking off from the judge, who declared him evil, and a fine of £8. Hoskins apologised and has donated twice his fine to a local pear based charity.
The star was sensationally arrested earlier this year, on the set of his latest movie ‘The even longer Good Friday,’ and charged with the theft of 30 pears from a farm in Essex.
He pleaded with the public at the time to forgive him in an OK magazine exclusive. He explained that he was ‘very drunk’ when he committed his ‘repulsive crime’ He also reported that he had been depressed recently, and said he did it ‘for the buzz.’ He has since made repeated public apologies. However the public feeling on the whole escapade is palpable, often spiraling into violence. Hoskins has had to hire 24-hour protection after death threats from people sickened by his crime. Over 2000 police officers were in force during the 3-day trial, at a cost of £35Million.
Hoskins has had to be smuggled in and out of the Old Bailey daily under a blanket to protect him from the baying mob; who pelted his car with rocks, quails eggs and clams. The public gallery has twice had to be cleared as mayhem broke loose with insults such as “Scum,” “Sick Bastard!” and “Bloody Pear Scrumping Sod” being aimed at a cowering Hoskins in the dock. ‘‘I nicked a few apples when I was a nipper,’’ a bystander candidly told us, “but Hoskins! With his wealth he can easily afford to buy some pears. Conference or whatever he fancies. It makes me sick!”
It all started back in April when Hoskins, armed with a stick, was observed trespassing on farmland. He was seen picking and munching on plucked pears by the landowner/farmer. The farmer, by this stage armed with a camcorder, then filmed Cockney loudmouth Hoskins picking 20 pears, which he stuffed into his pockets before legging it to freedom across open fields. He may have made good his escape in the moment, but he was caught on camera. Case closed. After an appeal on the BBC’s Crimewatch, thousands of people called in to grass Hoskins up, sickened by his crime.
Chief of police, Steve Harbourne-Blue, told us “Hoskins should stick to his day job. A great actor he is. A master criminal he is not. He left a trail of clues and was in pieces when we arrested him. Not since the likes of the moors murderers, the Yorkshire ripper, or that paedo Ian Huntley, have the public been so outraged by a crime. I have to say it’s understandable when people are sickened by the likes of Doctor Harold Shipman or Jack The Ripper, but this case is very different to those types of crime. Pear Scrumping is really a very minor crime. The media have whipped this up from a non-story to headline news; they are playing a big part in this hysteria. They sensationalize it. Hoskins did wrong, he’s admitted that, but it was only scrumping, not murder or sexual assault. I’m at a loss as to why the public are so up in arms over this. They want him dead. Bob is very upset by it all.’
Hoskins has apparently, according to his milkman has since checked into the Priory mental health facility for the rich and foolish. He is on suicide watch and on an intensive rehabilitation programme for his pear thieving problems. He continues to beg the British public to forgive him.
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