Whilst the Virginia Tech shooter and overall messed up loser Cho Seung-Hui snatched the world record for “best ever college shoot ‘em up” and in the process grabbed all the headlines and the lion's share of the news network’s air time last month, another college attack was left unreported. Buried by the media frenzy over the Virginia Tech story and also other nonsensical and mainly insignificant news another crazed shooting went pretty much unreported. In shockingly similar events to Virginia Tech. Half Korean, West Virginia native Cho Colby, went on the rampage at The Ronald Regan school of pimping, West Virginia, killing no-one including himself!

At dawn the deranged idiot stormed student quarters pumping away on his gun, like it was his bloody cock in the final strokes of passion. Over 100 students were hit, mostly in the chin, backs of the knees and teeth. The death toll would have been well over 1000 if you were to multiply it by ten and take away the fact that the daft twat was using a non-lethal paint gun! The quiet bullied and mad as a hat gunman had easily succumbed to a scam by fellow students a few weeks earlier. He was sold a paint ball gun, in the belief that it was a real shooter.
He had also bought a spud gun and two high-powered water pistols in the deluded belief that they too were deadly weapons. They were not. A student told us that Cho stormed in with a jacket covered in potatoes and with a gallon water pack on his back. He fired indiscriminately at students hitting them with a combination of potato pellets, water and yellow paint. No one was killed or even badly injured, with the school nurse treating chaffing, the pox and paint related injuries. The crazed gunman tried to kill himself afterwards but merely squirted water on to his temples. He was arrested and transferred to a local mental health unit.
Already the questions are being asked.  How did he manage to infiltrate the educational facility armed to the teeth with potatoes, water and paint?  The answer actually might be more sinister.  Witness reports state that many of the potatoes were sprouting and had turned green, a classic sign of a potato being stored for too long. Authorities believe that the student may have been sneaking potatoes into the school over a period of time and stockpiling them in his locker.
The college's counsellors and professors are concerned that even though the attack was unsuccessful in terms of causing carnage, the after effects might still be as severe. One of the students hit by his paintgun was an art student, who has already said he's quitting his art course as he never wants to see paint again.
A leading Democrat Michael Cherve, a long time critic of the Bush Administration's educational policy believes the incident is proof of a failed educational system.  "How a student can not realise that a paint-gun, water pistol and a potato related firearm are not lethal weapons is beyond comprehension. It's another sign that the educational policies adopted by the current administration are whisking people through the system uneducated. Whilst we are delighted that this individual didn’t murder indiscriminately as he obviously thought he would, we are deeply saddened that the American educational system could produce an individual so stupid”
The Cheese Times has received media depicting the horrific non-fatal fracas however unlike the American news networks, we have some form of editorial morality and thus will not be releasing any of the material.  

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