Hailing a taxi can be made very simple if you craftily use your pipe and some brandy in an aftershave or perfume bottle. Almost all taxis are non smoking these days so displaying your pipe will get you nowhere. Hide the sod in your pocket. At the queue for the taxi brandish your pipe through your clothing and make the people there believe it is a gun. Spray them with your brandy and when the cab arrives jump in explaining that everybody else in the queue are drunk, and that they are lying about your threats to kill. With a little cunning you can pull this off, I’ve been employing this little trick since 1929 and have only been hospitalized twice using it. Once on your cab ride, most decent cabbies will allow you to smoke your pipe, so long as you behave yourself and palm him £20, opening both of the windows.  

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