I’ve lived a long, long life, and traveled the globe far and wide. If there’s one thing I cannot stand, apart from people who don’t smoke tobacco products, it is spiders! Bally swines! With this condition a pipe is not just your calming friend, the bugger’s your weapon! Try and keep a pipe with flaked rum flavoured dark pipe tobacco going 24/7. At the first sign of a spider you must tip the embers into an ashtray, and then either bludgeon it to death with the lower section of the bowl, holding it at the lip for maximum leverage, or capture the spider in the bowl for humane release. If the spider evades you and scampers under some furniture use the embers in the ashtray to smoke the bugger out.

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