Paul Harrison, owner of a beautiful house in our beloved Somerset came home yesterday from his work as a tax accountant to find his house had been taken over by Giant Primates.

Harrison, 32, called the police to escort the gigantual monkeys off his land. However the authorities didn't seem to bothered. It appears the monkeys have the rights to the land, in fact all land in Somerset.

In an old property manuscript dating from the 17th century, it states that simian lifeforms own the rights to all land in Somerset. It is not until now that any primates had accosted land from anyone. The authorities including the RSPCA are concerned about the size of the animals. Some reports claim one is 7ft tall, with razor sharp teeth and a claw fashioned out of granite. It has been said that the monkey is not afraid to use it either, and could more than definitely hold its own in a brawl. The monkeys, numbering several hundred at time of press have sealed off large areas of somerset and are threatening to "take Devon by the fall!"

It is not known yet if the simiens truly are American, or were simply mocking the US choice of word for Autumn. There will be more news as we have it, God help us. Harrison plans to take the matter to the European Court of Law....

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