Alan Shearer is set to leave his beloved home town team at the end of the season, after hoping to lift the FA Cup on their third attempt. The destination..... Europe? no, America? No, infact not even on this planet. Shearer shall leave in a £100 million deal to a team in a galaxy far far away.

Lord Vader, head coach of the Imperial Rangers FC, first alerted to Shearer, 29, in a Jedi infested vision. He then got his Imperial scouts to use their trans universal scouting computer to find the relavant facts and figures on the Geordie Hero.... After a meeting with Shearer, a deal has been struck to take the superstar not just from his beloved home team, but from his home planet.

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