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NAUGHTY PAUL CONS JUDGE INTO GIVING HIM 7398TH CHANCE, THEN STEALS HIS WIG!  Self confessed, prolific thief Paul Fromagerie stood once again before open court accused this time of stealing £400s worth of Israeli olive koshered cheese from a Specialist Cheese monger in Romford, Essex. As usual he pleaded not guilty to the charges, once again he was found guilty of the charges and, you’ve guessed it, for the 7398th time he escaped justice after impressing the judge with another one of his now legendary glib speeches.
The evidence against Mr Fromagerie, nicknamed Fagin and dubbed the worlds most prolific thief, was typically strong and damning and featured CCTV footage from the scene of the crime. Fearing a Muslim extremist attack on his Kosher Cheese Imporium in light of world tensions reaching boiling point, owner Avi Feh Feh Feh had recently had secret CCTV cameras installed as well as a raft of other security measures such as anti aircraft missiles and a nuclear warhead. Film footage clearly showed Mr Fromagerie openly casing the joint before returning and stuffing the cheese into a Londis carrier bag and trying to make good his escape. He was thwarted by a courageous security guard Dan Chez who heroically turned up late for work looking dishevelled and confused at just the right moment. Mr Chez happened to be down on his haunches throwing up from drinking exuberance the night before just outside the store when unbeknown to him he tripped and upended the fleeing thief. Colleagues say this act of bravery is ‘typical of the man.’ The judge took 3 10ths of a second in finding Mr Fromagerie guilty of theft, astonishingly his 7398TH theft conviction. Judge Justice Wensleydale QC started by saying that a custodial sentence was an absolute must. However, the judge changed his mind after being charmed by Mr Fromagerie with lines such as “Your honour, I beseech you with all the earnestness of the Gods, do not let the travesty of my jailing pass, is there no humanity? I’m a changed man, honest! I’ve learned my lesson, I have much good to do in this world” and “You looking fucking great in that wig your majesty, a real heartbreaker, how do you fight the ladies off!” Mr Fromagerie was given an hour of community service. As he was set free, Mr Fromagerie stormed from the dock and embraced Mr Justice Wensleydale who was still blushing from Mr Fromagerie’s compliments, and using incredible slight of hand snatched the judges wig, stuffing it into a Londis carrier bag and calmly strolling out of the courthouse whistling. |
