STAR ROBBIE COLTRANE QUIZZED AT GUANTANAMO BAY CAMP IN CUBA!

Severe doubts ricocheted round the world last night over the mental health and actions of American President Georgey W Bush after he accused the fictional school of Wizardry Hogwarts of being part of Bin Laden’s ‘axis of evil.’ In a quite frankly shocking press conference the president said, "Hogwarts black magic and evil must be defeated." The school made famous in the spellbinding Harry Potter books by top British author J K Rowling, does not exist in reality.

Undaunted by this fact however, the president said yesterday, "Today we arrested a fiend whom we believed looked terrorist like, he was using the alias of Hagrid and that sounds damn foreign so we sent him to camp X-ray in Guatamano Bay, Cuba where my men will beat out a confession or end his days. Do not misunderestimatify the challenge that is challenging us here, if we don’t take up the challenge then we may have failed to achieve the challengements ahead from the past." Asked what he meant by that the President added, "I’ve no idea, next question."

George believes the man trained in terror tactics at a place called Hogwarts. This breakthrough came after information from an anti terrorism intelligence source, believed to be George Bush Snr acting on gut instincts. Bush Snr is thought to have been trailing a suspected terror chief called Dumbledore, who has since passed away.

It is believed that Hagrid is infact British actor Robbie Coltrane who plays the role of the Hagrid in the Harry Potter films and starred alongside R+B man Craig David as feuding Dutch brothers Gouda and Edam in the UK hit series ‘A selection of Cheeses.’ Prisoners at camp x-ray, Guatamano Bay in Cuba are kept like dogs, under no legal charges. They are afforded no human rights so even though the size of this error is immense and the actor totally innocent, it is highly unlikely Coltrane will ever be released and may already have been executed for being a ‘rag-head.’

The president ended his statement saying " We will shut down all suspected Al Q’aida training camps, even fictional ones, this will be a warning to the world of my desire to be taken seriously in matters of seriousnessless, ‘cos that’s not the way that America is all about. If we have any security fears, real or imagined, we will act, we will kill, even if we don’t have all of the facts to support such action, that is the American way." The president then produced a large piece of Cranberry Brie and chomped it down to the delight of crowds.

Meanwhile in Britain a stern faced Tony Blair, munching on a slice of Cheshire cheese, Britain’s oldest known cheese, addressed a crisis meeting at Downing street over the president’s suicidal claims. Amidst angry debate, the premier admitted that he was a huge fan of the Harry Potter books and indeed once donned the Hogwarts school badge on his Prime Minister’s outfit in his early days in the job. Many MP’s, furious at the Premier’s continued close unity with "an idiot of Bush’s stature" boycotted the meeting. Although he tried his best to defend his good friend George the premier was later forced to admit, at a hushed international news conference, that George ‘is a small child playing with an adult world and will inevitably make many mistakes like this.’ As usual a British team of diplomats will visit many nations, with the predictable gifts of finest Stilton, trying to iron out the US president’s latest faux pas.

Al-Qaeda in Giant Pie Threat

---