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 Bush Claims Iraq will use cheese as weapons of mass destruction and tells his poodle Tony to say the same!
Yesterday the United Nations announced a very bizarre find from their latest weapons inspections in Iraq. Hundreds of thousnads of Tonnes of Cheese from around the world, have been found in warehouses and factories in Baghdad, Karbala and An Najaf. The "Giant Pantries of Cheese" as a U.N. Spokesman put it, were well hidden away but the U.N. are keen to point out that there is no evidence of tampering or intent to use the cheese negatively as a force of evil. Major questions, however, are being asked as to what Saddam is doing with "copious amounts of cheeses from around the world?"
George Bush, was quick to condem the hoarding, implying that the cheeses may be used as weapons of mass destruction against the west. The President pointed to the fact, that of all the tonnes of cheese, not one ounce was found of Meria, the favourite native cheese of Iraq. All the cheeses are of "western tastes and production methods" and it's long been accepted as fact that Western cheeses are too harsh on the Arab pallet and so unpopular in the region. It is thought that there may be a program of mass contamination of the west's cheese supply in operation, and that the cheese find is just the tip of a huge cheeseberg. Bush and his lapdog Tony Blair claim this is crucial evidence. The Pentagon went onto show ways in which Iraq may use the cheese as weapons, either by contaminating the west's cheese supply, or by using the cheeses as bombs, to explode on the shelves of every supermarket in the western world. This was mainly done by use of overhead projectors and graphical computer imagery, but plastercine models, hand puppets and even special effects from Steven Speilberg's Dreamworks production company were also used stirring raucous applause. The Iraqi regime has not refuted the hoarding, merely stating that Saddam and his cohorts enjoy a nice bit of cheese, and with the sanctions in place against their country, were worried that they might run out. Its unsure whether the cheese is part of Iraq's weaponry. A few pounds were taken for anaylsis, and a tonne more taken for sandwhiches and ploughmans lunches for all the weapons inspectors. Utopian brained verteran British MP Tony Benn recently visited Iraq to ask Saddam some leading questions in the hope of averting war, fat chance, but he did make some remarkable discoveries. He told the cheese times "Hans Blix and his team have found absolutely no evidence of weapons of mass destruction, to the contary, Saddam assures me that they only have weapons of mass construction. These include a system of long range missiles capable of reaching Europe and america which upon hitting their targets build huge 300 story skyscrapers, roads, hospitals and oil pipelines. These are weapons of extreme kindness! The skyscrapers will be fully carpeted and stocked with fine cheeses, hence Iraq's posession of all this dairy produce, it's all innocent." Goerge W Bush is expected to address congress on this very issue later today. Old man and real ale/real cheese addict Alf Stilton, 88, asked by a Cheese Times survey on the matter, stated. "There's alot to be said for a good glass of ale and a nice bit of cheese, but not when the bugger's poisoned." |
