In tribute to our co-founder Ed Land, The Cheese Times will return next year to continue its mission to bring you the news the other networks don't want you to know. The Cheese Times returns January 2009. Until then the front page will show three classic Ed Land exclusives.

Members of the European Community are amid massive rounds of diplomatic meetings with the UN, NATO and Nestle, sparked by the occupation of member state Austria, by a giant, nuclear, Lego Elvis. A frightened Austrian resident candidly told us – “Being candid, I’m an Austrian, and I’m scared!” Thus confirming our worse fears.

"One small step on a ladder for a window cleaner, one giant leap for mankind." With those words,  Gary Leafield, a former window cleaner entered history and proved all the astrominical experts wrong in becoming the first human to climb into outer space using naught but a very long ladder.

Mr. Simon Bosworth 32, of Cheese Farm, Cramlington in Northumberland is today thanking God for the large piece of Gouda, that yesterday heroically saved him from drowning. At about 6:30am yesterday morning, Mr Bosworth life changed forever, thanks to his cheese lunch.